This morning I was inspired to share about my relationships. Now do not get the thought for one second that I have it all figured out because I do not, but I have learned a lot. I believe I can share the wisdom that I have gained through doing some things right, and doing a lot of things wrong.
When I was growing up I was not the most sheltered kid. My sister was only a year older than me so her friends became my little girl friends. I can remember having little crushes ever since I was five years old.
At the age of nine things started to escalate. My sister would invite a friend over to our house for a sleep over and I would end up kissing these girls. However, these were not little pecks on the lips, or on the cheek. These were all out make-out sessions. Sometimes even go as far as second base.
Now all of that started at the age of nine. It only got worse as time went on. I had many little girl friends. One of the highlights of those pre-teen romances were all the times we would make-out. This continued into my high school years where I would eventually round third and go home.
I would continue with this creative writing style and use bases to describe how far I went with these girls, but for clarity I will be blatant. When I was sixteen I lost my virginity. Now I could say I scored two more times, but it definitely was not a score. I did; however, sleep with two more girls by the time I was eighteen.
Now for the guys out there—every “good intention” you had goes out the door when you act on your flesh and sleep with a girl outside of marriage. No matter how much I want to say that I really cared about these girls I cannot validate that because of my actions. I was wrong. PERIOD!
When I was fourteen I gave my life to Jesus Christ. After giving my life to Jesus I definitely felt conviction whenever I hooked up with a girl, even if it was just making out and going to “second base”. That conviction got even worse when I lost my virginity. With that conviction came shame and guilt.
Shame and guilt got so heavy in my life that I knew I had to stop doing this to myself. I would compromise and date these girls that were not christians, or they were not as devoted as I was. Telling myself that I could get them saved was just a lie that I was trying to convince myself was true to validate my actions. FYI evangelical dating does not work. PERIOD. Maybe there are those special cases that are filled with grace, but it is not worth risking your purity by entering an unequally yoked relationship.
Side note, I would do these awful things then ask God for his forgiveness; however, just end up doing it again. I was not using grace as a license to sin, but I sure was not displaying true repentance. Repentance is asking for forgiveness, then turning away from that sin completely.
Ten months after I turned eighteen I decided that some things had to change. I made a commitment to God that I would never date a girl who was not already a devoted christian that was living for God and serving Him. It has now been three years since I made that commitment.
For three years I have been single and I have not compromised by sleeping with women. That has not been an easy task at all. I have had gorgeous girls throw themselves at me. In the past I would have seen these women as opportunities to get my wife saved and live happily ever after; however, now I understood that if my goal was to get them saved so they could be my wife, then my motive was not to introduce them to Jesus; however, just to fulfill my own lustful desires.
Learning from my past I decided to turn these girls down and let them see my love for Jesus. This can be hard at times because they might think that I somehow am giving this notion that I think I’m too good for them; however, that is not the case. I actually deeply care for these women as though they were my sisters and want them to know Jesus more than I want them to be my next girl friend, or arm candy.
When I started to see girls as my sisters, then I started to treat them differently. My desire is that each one of them sees that I want them to have Jesus not me. If they get Jesus Christ, then they have found a man that is far greater than I. My hope is that maybe some of them would be reading this and understand my heart.
Turning down a girl that you think is gorgeous is not easy, but I have done it several times over the past three years. Some of these girls at first glance would fit the description of my “dream girl”. The perfect smile, perfect hair, beautiful eyes, and a beautiful body. In that moment I have to realize that these women are not items and their value is not in their appearance. Their value comes from deep within.
When you value women for their heart, their mind, and soul then you will not allow your lustful desires to lead yourself astray and you will save that woman from a broken heart. See the reason why I would turn these girls down is because I knew that my conviction would catch up with me and I would end up turning them down eventually anyways, so I did not let it get that far. I wanted them to see Jesus.
My hope in writing this is that I would accomplish two things: 1) I would encourage young men and women to wait on God. To be patient and wait for His best for you. That does not mean that the others that come along do not have value; however, that they are for someone else. You can show them how valuable they truly are by turning them down and directing them to Jesus. 2) I want to encourage young men and women that have been turned down to not be discouraged, or hurt. God has a plan for you and someone special to enjoy those plans with. Do not focus on whether, or not you got that person you desired; however, focus on Jesus and have your delight in Him.
With love in Christ,